


Ghosts

by philosophical_fangirl



Category: Amazingphil - Fandom, Danisnotonfire - Fandom, Phandom
Genre: Gen, contemplation of your existence, it ends happily though, philosophical trash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-04
Updated: 2016-12-04
Packaged: 2018-09-06 12:06:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 2,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8750149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/philosophical_fangirl/pseuds/philosophical_fangirl
Summary: Strange rope, open my eyes, help me gain a purpose…Sometimes meaninglessness is the first step to finding a purpose.A Phan-fiction for you to contemplate the meaning of life (basically).





	1. Strange

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is the first fanfic I’ve ever posted so I’d appreciate a lot if you guys could give me some constructive criticism. I’ve decided this would be a great first fanfic since you can’t ever go wrong with Phan (hopefully). This was based off the theory of there being a ghost inside Dan and Phil’s flat so I just went with it. Other than that, I hope you guys enjoy!

Black, that seems to be the only color that’s associated with me lately. The color of the dark, fear, death, some might even say evil itself; besides red of course, but even that seems to linger near me. Strange, how color clings to a person, almost parasitic if you ask me. Almost…  
***  
Darkness, it keeps surrounding me. So thick you can hardly see the hand in front of you, that is if there’s even a hand. Strange, how darkness blinds people from so much, even the obvious. That is, if you can call a hand obvious, even a person anymore. My world has changed, that much is for sure. Strange, how darkness can blind you, but not from the things you don’t want to see.  
***  
It surrounds me, the blackness. Almost like a cloud, a thick fog you can’t penetrate. No light can pass through but you still try to look for one, like hope when lost in despair. I try to focus on my surroundings, but of course there aren’t any. I try to feel around me, but of course I feel nothing. I don’t have any means of seeing or feeling anymore. Why? Don’t ask questions you already know the answers to. You killed your senses off in a frantic escape to find relief, but of course you didn’t reach it. You never will…  
***  
Invisible, that’s what I am. Not to myself, at least not my mind, but to others yes. I guess when other people around you do something so often; you begin to do it yourself. Treating me as though I’m not there rubs off on a person, me especially…


	2. Rope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that the first chapter was pretty dark, but it will get better. Maybe not in this chapter though...

Corners, the only place I’m ever really welcome these days. No one wants to associate with the stupid, emo girl. Six years of exclusion and I’m tired of it. Both my parents left before my sixth birthday and I was sent off to live with my aunt. Once she died (she was only 48) I was left with no other living family, so off I went to foster care. No one took me in, and the few who did ended up dying the first month I was with them because of some “mysterious and unexpected” reason. They eventually stopped noticing me and I became the “death girl”, that’s the only way they referred to me. They speak of me like I’m death itself. Without a home to go to, I was sent to the orphanage; and there I stayed.  
***  
No one associated with me there either. All the other kids thought of each other as family, not me. I was purposely excluded because they thought I would cause them all to die. My newfound trait tended to repel people; nobody wanted to be a part of the “death girl’s” life. I was tired of living; tired of the living themselves. There was nothing left for me. The monotony which was my life needed to change, and that change would be now.  
***  
A closet, a rope, and a snapped neck; I remember now. Five seconds, that’s how long it took to end everything. I found my ending both relieving and even worse than where I was before. It was too late now though; I’d already done it. The inevitability was too torturous to wait for anyway. No one would ever care that I was gone; I’d make “breaking news” for a week, and then disappear again. Strange, how much you can care for so long. I didn’t see how you could; not until I met them.


	3. Open

A light was appearing, and not the blinding white darkness I’d been trapped in before. This was real, I could actually see in front of me. There were shapes and colors, maybe what could even be sunshine. The world had finally opened up again. I was excited. Who wouldn’t be after spending so much time in nothing? I tried to examine my surroundings, this time actually succeeding in seeing around me. I was in an apartment, a good sized one too. Is this where I would live now? Find a mirror… What? Why? What was that? I was ordering myself to do something without even thinking about it. I can’t refuse the order though. I walk down a hall to see a bathroom door open. Open. Why is it only now that everything seems to be opening up to me? I go in. Why miss the opportunity? What I see in the mirror, not even I can comprehend.


	4. My Eyes

Broken, that’s what I am now. Not dirty, or dull, just broken. I’m tired and dead. Well I guess that’s not entirely false; I am dead. Why am I here then? Shouldn’t I have been completely taken from the material world? I look at myself again. My hair, body, face, they all look normal, but my neck. My neck… It’s broken, twisted and red. You can see the rope burn I gave myself. Am I supposed to see this scar, forever? My eyes though, they’re black. My eyes were never black; they were a chocolate brown that even I got lost in. Maybe it’s the lighting… I reach for the switch to turn the light on, but I can’t feel it. I see my hand over it, it just can’t feel it. I have a hand that does nothing. I touch my neck; I can feel it. What is happening? I look into the mirror again at my eyes. My eyes are now just orbs that see nothing and everything. Is that supposed to be a symbol for something now? What am I? What’s going on!? That’s when I hear the voices.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that the chapters seem to be getting more depressing, but just hang on. I didn't lie when I said it would end happily.


	5. Help Me

Two voices, both male, both…British? I walk out to the living room of the apartment.  
“Ta-da,” The man with brown hair states excitedly, “welcome home!”  
“Wow! This is going to be great, Dan!” Dan… That was the boy with brown hair. I took notice of it. Why wouldn’t I? A new place you know nothing about, you’d want to stay observant. They walked around the rest of the ‘flat’ they called it and spoke a bit more. I stood in front of them the entire time. They couldn’t see me, if they did they were both really good actors and excellent at the art of ignoring.  
“NO! Phil, don’t touch that!” Dan screamed as he rushed towards the game console Phil was near, flinging his body over it in attempt to ‘protect’ it. It did nothing but dust it, but somehow he managed to throw a controller at ‘Phil’ during his dive. Dorks… They were really cute though. They seemed like really good friends; almost too good.  
***  
I’ve been in Manchester for a year now, and I’ve loved every minute of it. Dan and Phil, the owners of the flat I’m stuck in, have lit up every dark corner of my life. Just seeing how happy they make each other, it can’t help but make me happy too. They still can’t see me though; at times I’ll say something back to one of their comments or questions and they won’t respond. How can they? They don’t even know I’m there, let alone hear me. Whenever things like that happen I’ll have to remember I’m just a ghost; a fragment of imagination to both myself and them. It hurts a lot more than it would if you were alive. If you were alive you could speak up or hope for a better day tomorrow. As a ghost, you’re ignored forever. I didn’t want to think about what happens when they finally move to London, or when they both die. I was too scared. I was trying to stay optimistic, like Philly; I wasn’t going to dive face-first into a black hole like Dan. Not yet at least. Just hope for the best, maybe the universe will actually think of your feelings, for once.


	6. Gain

As a ghost you never really sleep. You don’t need to. There’s no point. I try to sleep anyway though; it helps me feel more human. To me, humanity is everything. It makes you complete, well almost complete. I mean, you’re still dead- it just helps you feel more normal. That’s as good as you can get in my state. So I sleep, and when I finally open my eyes, I’m in a new flat. Again?! It was really nice though, even better than the flat in Manchester. What’s going on now? Where am I?  
There are voices again; same people.  
“I can’t believe we’ve finally moved to London!” Phillip squeals. He still sounds the same.  
“Phil, we’ve known about this move for a month now.” Dan still hasn’t changed either. I breathe a sigh of relief. Nothing’s changed, I’m still with them; but I’m still dead.  
“This is going to be great…” I couldn’t tell who said that before I was engulfed into the blinding white darkness again.


	7. A Purpose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You’re a human with one life and it is up to you to make it the best you can.” –danisnotonfire

“You’re a human with one life and it is up to you to make it the best you can.” –danisnotonfire  
Why am I remembering this now? Why am I back in this hell? What’s going on?! I need to cry, I need to sob and scream; I can’t though. Ghosts can’t cry, especially not when they’re trapped in meaninglessness.   
Meaninglessness…  
Am I trapped in meaninglessness? Am I meaningless? Were they meaningless? My time with Dan and Phil wasn’t meaninglessness; I loved it, every second of it. Then why has it been taken from me?  
***  
I’m staring at a picture; a picture of Dan and Phil. They’re sitting on their couch in London snuggled under a blanket. They’re both watching something, I can’t tell what but I don’t care to find out. They’re smiling. Smiling… They’re smiles are real. Not sarcastic or fake; they’re real, genuine smiles. They’re priceless; too happy for even me to hold onto for long. They really do make each other unconditionally happy… Happy…  
***  
I ended my life because I saw no point in continuing. I had no purpose; nothing to prove my value of life with. I understand now, that isn’t the point of life. The “meaning of life” everyone so frantically searches for is different for everyone. Generally it has to do with finding something to do with your life. So many people end up being unhappy or discontented by what they turn out to be because they feel that they haven’t found a meaning. I understand now that you don’t need to have a “meaning of life” to enjoy being alive. Dan and Phil have taught me that even though their entire lives they saw themselves as meaningless, they didn’t stop doing what they enjoyed. They didn’t stop making videos, or watching their favorite shows, or even getting to see each other every day. They kept going, even when they had an existential crisis, or had a horrible day, or when it seemed like the entire world was against them; they kept going. They didn’t stop doing what made them happy; they didn’t worry too much about what others would think of them or their “success” in the future. They both understood that as long as they were happy now, and kept doing what they loved, they’d stay happy forever. I see now that it wasn’t the monotony of my life I was scared of, it was the uncertainty. The ignorance of not knowing my future and not knowing if I’d ever find happiness is what drew me to being blind. I expected happiness to gift itself to me because I was alive; I needed to find my own happiness and learn to gift it to myself.  
Throughout Dan and Phil’s lives, they stayed happy. They made each other happy, and that is something I truly see now. I’m glad to finally see it now, and I’m glad they’ve found their own happiness the way I couldn’t. I understand now that if I choose to embrace the present, and leave the future to itself, I’d stay happy. That is the purpose I was missing. So for the first time in my existence I am relieved. For the first time in my existence I am happy. For the first time in my existence, I truly, genuinely, smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys liked the fic and please let me know what you think! Let me know if you have any suggestions for another fic!

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you thought in the comments and I'm open to any suggestions! Thanks for reading, I hope you guys enjoyed it!


End file.
